Why Other Peoples Accomplishments Sometimes Make You Feel Terrible

Why Otzu sich Peoples Accomplishments Sometimes Make You Feel Terrible Have you ever become spiteful after hearing about someone elses accomplishments, and felt like a complete jerk? Maybe youve felt your heart sink a little bit when someone shares their own good nachrichten in the form of an Im so excited to announce Facebook or Instagram post. Chances are, yes, youve felt a little terrible at least once when youve watched someones success from the sidelines. You find yourself looking at your phone, feeling like a failure, even though youre notThis doesnt make you a hateful monster it just makes you human. In fact, the phenomenon is is pretty common. Its human nature for us to compare ourselves to others, and its no surprise that sometimes, that results in jealousy and feeling lousy.Understanding Jealousy Around Others SuccessIts possible that people around you are doing amazing things, and even if you are too, you might still feel that jealousy running through your veins.At times, we can experience this tendency to compare ourselves to others, which can result in a sense of Im not enough, explains Rachel ONeill, Ph.D. To some extent, that tendency to both self-compare, as well as to feel inadequate, is natural. It becomes complicated when individuals start to feel bad about feeling inadequate or jealous.You should be happy for your friend who just got that promotion at work, not feel crappy about it, right? Well, not always, and that doesnt necessarily mean that you love them or care about them any less. Its simply an emotional reaction Our brains are programmed into the pattern of comparing ourselves to others, and its a hard cycle to break. You see someone around you accomplishing big things, and you automatically check in with how you measure up.25 year old artist, Kara,* has a tendency to compare herself to her longtime group of friends. I feel behind in a lot of ways, so it literally feels like a race. I need to catch up to my friends. I cant move out l ike everyone else because I dont have a job because I was in school for so long, Kara* confides. Its hard when you and your friends are all the same age, all had the same start in high school, and since then, their lives look like how you want yours to look.Comparing Yourself to a Significant Other or vermgen PartnerAside from comparing yourself to your friends, you might find yourself checking how you stack up to your other half. Hannah,* 29, who works in fashion, says, It can be difficult dating someone whos recently had a lot of success. My boyfriend is only one year older than me, and seems wildly more successful, or at least hes pursuing his passion, when most days I have no idea what my passion is.Rachel,* 28, who works at a non-profit, shares the sentiment of feeling inadequate compared to a significant other. Hes about a year older than me but it just felt like we should be on par with each other, especially since we were living together, sharing costs, and everything, she s ays of her boyfriend. I couldnt understand why I wasnt succeeding like he was, why I wasnt in a job that felt like it offered a path forward, and why I wasnt making more money. I felt totally insufficient.How to Calm Your Jealousy and Improve Self-EsteemAll three of these people are taking blows to their self esteem and self worth as they compare themselves to their friends, coworkers, and significant others. People with low self esteem are more likely to take offense to othersaccomplishments. However, with practice, you can get better at comparing yourself to others less often and build higher confidence. Additionally, you can learn to better understand and recognize your emotions. Plus, you have to remember that its totally okay to feelInstead of focusing on stopping the emotion, focus instead on identifying what youre feeling and giving yourself some space to simply feel it. Its okay to experience feelings of jealousy or inadequacy in the face of others success, ONeil assures. Bu t if your comparisons are really taking a toll on you, there are some actions you can take.Take some time to evaluate what it is that you want toachieve in your life. This can be a great opportunity to journal or write down your intentions. Further, instead of focusing on others achievements, focus on what youre grateful for in your life, Rachel ONeil suggests. Lastly, to the extent possible, try to limit your social media use, especially during times when you find yourself especially vulnerable to self-comparison.So, next time you hear someones big news, remember its okay to feel some negative emotions youre definitely not the only one feeling them With practice and confidence, youll be able to enjoy others successes more, and celebrate your own as well And hey, being more self confident is a success, in my book.--This story originally appeared in TalkSpace.